Accepting your humanness; gratefully and graciously

In my last blog I talked about The Art of Compassionate Enquiry. If you missed it, I highly recommend you read it because I truly believe that the art of compassionate enquiry is the key to better understanding yourself. The art of compassionate enquiry concept is the key to developing, growing and flourishing. The most important benefit of compassionate enquiry is the ability to accept yourself; to not judge, berate or abuse yourself. Remember that accepting yourself does not mean not wanting to change, learn or develop; on the contrary it will make this process so much easier.

 

Sadly, while the art of compassionate enquiry is one of the most powerful concepts you will ever learn, very few people will ever engage in this process. Even people that are in the personal development industry, have studied psychology, written books or taught others, rarely practice this art themselves. Why? As I mentioned in my previous blog, it goes against our human nature. We are taught that we need to be better, smarter, harder working, because somehow we are not good enough as we are. We are taught not to accept ourselves. Developing self-awareness is one of the most important things you can ever do. Not as a mere self-indulgent endeavor but as the saying goes: through me I know you and through you I know me. In other words, if you understand yourself better, you will also have more insight, compassion and tolerance towards others and therefore become less judgmental. Many teachers (gurus) past and present have been talking about the importance of self-awareness and consciousness for thousands of years. Many are ‘called’ and few have chosen to follow that path.

 

We have learned to be critical of ourselves. With that, we have also learned to be critical of others. When others give us feedback most of us will react, feel attacked and want to defend ourselves. If we cannot accept ourselves we cannot be open to feedback. We employ defensive and reactive strategies to protect ourselves. Interestingly, the more a person defends him or herself the less self-acceptance he or she has. The stronger the defence the more insecurity lies underneath. And where does this insecurity come from? Yes, lack of self-acceptance, lack of self-awareness and ultimately a lack of humility.

 

Believe it or not the vast majority of people suffer from delusions of grandeur (see God complex) and that might include you! Not that these people really believe that they are superior, but they believe they need to be more superior, greater, powerful and influential than they already are. In other words they feel they need to be more perfect because they believe they are not good enough - and it is unlikely that they ever will be!

 

Remember that within, you all have aspects of being human, the so-called dark side and the so-called light side and everything in between. It is only through the art of compassionate enquiry that you will gain understanding of this vast and complex inner world. You will get to accept and understand these aspects rather than fight against them, as fighting these aspects will only give them more power and will trouble you even more. (See books on Shadow for further information about this concept).

 

This is what compassionate enquiry is about, gratefully and graciously enquiring into yourself, to promote understanding within you. The less you engage in understanding the more you will suffer from delusions of grandeur. I find that people who understand least judge most. They constantly judge themselves as well as everyone else. Remember the more you judge yourself and others the more you display a lack of understanding and this lack of understanding stems from a lack of humility.

 

You can’t gain a deep understanding from a position of ‘non acceptance’ of who you are. Please understand that humility does not mean playing yourself down, being shy or apologizing for who you are. This is what is called false humility, which consists of deprecating your own sanctity, gifts, talents and accomplishments. It is often for the sake of receiving praise or adulation from others.

 

True humility is accepting yourself and being comfortable with who you are. True humility is being grounded in and accepting of what it means to be human. The term humility comes from the Latin word humilitas; which also means humble and grounded. It literally means ‘from the earth’ as the word is derived from humus (earth).

 

True humility (being humble) is the quality of being modest and respectful. The concept of humility addresses intrinsic self-worth to gratefully and graciously respect and accept your humanness and that of others.

 

The ultimate aim of the art of compassionate enquiry is to achieve a state of enlightenment through this process, to be free from illusions of self-deception. Enlightenment means different things to different people. In this context enlightenment is not something lofty or unattainable, but the process of creating awareness through conscious ‘seeing’. Some see it as a spiritual state of being while others might see it as intellectual awareness. In this context I refer to enlightenment as intellectual awareness; knowing yourself inside and outside better than ever before through observation, awareness, reflection and logical reasoning.

 

Enlightenment, according to Buddhism, is the result of compassion, wisdom and humility. It is about gratefully and graciously (without judgement) bringing conscious awareness into all aspects of yourself and your inner world. While this sounds rather easy and perhaps even ‘Pollyannaish’, this process is not always easy hence the importance of being compassionate and kind towards yourself. 

 

Personal development cannot be achieved through any ‘7 easy step program’. Enlightenment and wisdom cannot be gained without understanding yourself. Chan (Zen) Master Li Yuansong states that "Enlightenment can come only after humility – the wisdom of realizing one's ‘insignificance’ and one’s humanness, without which one cannot see the truth".

 

If you want to grow, develop and become more insightful about yourself you need to accept your humanness. You need to engage in the art of compassionate enquiry in a grounded, graceful and gracious way.

 

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