Tao de Haas posted on December 13, 2011 17:54
In my last blog we looked at how you are often deluded into thinking that what you believe has to be true. We explored that the beliefs you have formed are your ‘facts’ based on your personal experiences.
Your beliefs; your story
The sum total of your beliefs form ‘your story.’ The stories you create help you make sense of your life and the world you live in. It influences every aspect of your life. Of course creating stories happens automatically and without it you would not be able to make sense of yourself. The ‘quality’ of your story hugely influences how you live your life and the feedback that you get from your life (i.e. the ‘results’ that you experience). It is important to note that everyone has a different story, and that ultimately no one ‘lives in the same world’. Every single human being on this planet experiences the world in his or her own unique way. So you could say no one lives in the same world.
Your story; your schemata
In certain strands of psychology these stories are often referred to as schema (or schemata). The concept of schemata was initially introduced into psychology through the work of the British psychologist,
Frederic Bartlett (1886–1969). Your schema also provides a window into your personality. You can tell a lot about a person's schema by the beliefs they hold and their willingness (or lack thereof) to observe, challenge and reconstruct their schema.
True or not true? That’s the question
Your schema also ‘tells’ you where to focus your intention and your attention. And that is the problem! What if your schema is inaccurate or even wrong? What if it is in fact a figment of your imagination, a delusion? What if your schema, constructed from the beliefs you have formed, has created a map that sends you in the wrong direction? What if your map stands in the way of how you want to live your life and what you want to achieve? Well, believe it or not, unfortunately this is the reality for a vast majority of people!
Clinging to the mast of a sinking ship
What is even more disturbing is that rather than challenging their beliefs, their schema, most people hold onto them like clinging to a mast of a sinking ship. And even when they know things aren’t working and they are not getting the results they want, many people will hold onto their map for grim death.
Letting go of the mast
While there are likely to be many inherent falsehoods in your schema, it seems to be very difficult to surrender, update and replace it with beliefs that support instead of hinder; in other words creating a new story, a new map that leads you in the direction that you do want to go.
Somehow people believe that if they let go of their (faulty) map they might not know where they are going and become completely lost. While this ‘fear of the unknown’ is natural and understandable it is also most unhelpful. Few people realize that letting go of the mast will set them free with unlimited possibilities! So what would you rather do, hold on and drown or let go and be free?
Why is it so?
So why is it that even in the face of evidence you might be very reluctant to swap your beliefs and construct a new map that will support you? Why is it that you would rather delude yourself than face up to reality? Why is it that most people are so hell bent on not only hanging onto their faulty map, but actually defending it?
People heavily invested in schema
Remember that your story is a construct that you generally have developed over a long period of time. It is constructed from the conclusions, assumptions and interpretations based on what you have experienced so far. Remember also that these interpretations may be completely incorrect. Let’s say you believe that you are not smart enough (because a teacher or some other authority figure told you so) or that you can’t change something or pursue something that is important to you (because you have tried before and it didn’t work out). Or perhaps you believe that you don’t have the discipline or that you don’t have what it takes or that you have low self-esteem and so on and so on. Can you imagine the ‘investments’ you have made in your beliefs, your story?
How do you invest?
- Like a mantra, you have told your story over and over again to yourself and others. It is like treading a path through the forest repeatedly and this path becomes ‘your map’, it tells you were to go - even if it is in the wrong direction! Just in the same way that you create neural pathways in your brain through repetition. These neural pathways are now well and truly established and your beliefs, your story has become your reality! You will constantly create and interpret experiences to reinforce this ‘reality’. For example if you believe that no one can be trusted, you will be constantly and relentlessly be on the look out to confirm this belief. You will find it difficult to trust anyone thus proving your ‘theory' right.
- Your map is familiar to you and you are very attached to it, you know it and you know it well. It is like you and your map are one and the same. It feels like you are the map. Of course that is nonsense; you are not the map and therefore you can change your map.
- Although smart people welcome being challenged, as it might improve, expand and enrich their map (and therefore their understanding and experiences), very few people like to be proven ‘wrong’. They don’t want to be told by others and even themselves that their map might be inaccurate; after all they have an intimate relationship and attachment to that map.
- Have you ever noticed how often people argue, defend and try to convince others of their own limitations? ‘No really, honestly, I would never be able to do that, I am not that smart, I don’t have the discipline, I would not know how to achieve that’ and so on. And yes, this might include you.
- Going off the well trodden path feels very uncomfortable. Your brain tells you not to do it as it interprets this change as potential danger. (See 'Why change is so hard').
- Somehow you do believe that you will reach your destination and achieve your goals without changing direction. You might try even harder and become more determined while still traveling in the same wrong direction! Remember the definition of insanity? Doing the same things, the same way you have always done before and expecting a different outcome.
- Instead of accepting the results (or lack of) as feedback, people will often defend their story by deluding themselves. Rather than challenging their negative beliefs they hold onto them; just like an alcoholic who denies that drinking might be a problem and keeps drinking, constantly trying to justify their behavior.
Remember this powerful statement: It is only in the space of acknowledgment that transformation can take place. More about this in our next blog.
Till then, observe and reflect on your beliefs and become aware of how your story, your map, helps or hinders you.