Last time we talked about how you are often deluded into thinking that what you believe is true; that the sum total of your beliefs form ‘your story’ and it is this story that helps you make sense of your life and the world you live in. Also how you invest time proving your story right as well as reinforcing your story despite the fact that this story might be based on wrong information, assumptions and misinterpretations. If you haven’t already read ‘Holding on to negative beliefs; why we defend our delusions’, then I really urge you to do so.
What you need to know
Please bare with me as I explain some powerful concepts that will really help you understand why you are likely to hang on to your beliefs despite knowing they might not be that helpful to you. This understanding will also make it so much easier when you want to change and challenge beliefs that stand in the way of you living a more fulfilling and successful life.
I believe therefore I know
Many people really delude themselves into thinking that their beliefs are the truth; that they are factual. Whilst understandable, of course this is an illusion. Ultimately all beliefs and all stories have many elements that are delusions. Everything that you have come to believe is an interpretation that fits in with your paradigm, your way of thinking and your values. As I mention in my book
'The Delusion Delusion', you cannot
not be deluded. Of course we don’t
consciously choose to delude ourselves. Everything you experience is an interpretation through the filters with which you perceive the world and in turn experience the world. Everyone’s filters are totally unique to each individual. This is also what forms your biases and you cannot
not be bias. What is important to know is that these interpretations are not logical interpretations but
feeling interpretations. We might not remember exactly what took place in a particular event yet we will often remember how we felt when it did.
Most important
I need to make something very clear before we can address how to challenge and change your beliefs. I have talked about making assumptions, interpretations and coming to conclusions about the things we experience. This statement might be somewhat misleading as it implies that we somehow do these things consciously and deliberately. What is most important is to realize that we don’t; we don’t consciously make choices about how we interpret events that lead us to ‘adopting’ certain beliefs. As I mentioned, most interpretations that form our beliefs are not logical interpretations, but feeling interpretations. In other words the 'interpretations’ are processed by a different part of the brain, the feeling part, the limbic system, where feelings, emotions and emotional memories lie. Whilst this may surprise you, interpretations seldom happen in the logical part of the brain, the frontal cortex. This is why we can consciously hang on to false beliefs because they feel right even if we know better!
What this means
The limbic (feeling) part of the brain, the part that is in charge of interpretations, conclusions and assumptions is much faster and more powerful than the thinking / reasoning part of the brain, the frontal cortex. The feeling part of the brain is very fast and fuel efficient and can easily (and often does) override the logical part of the brain. Have you ever tried to convince someone of something that was totally reasonable and logical to you but they just could not see reason because they felt so strongly about their own position? You would look in amazement and scratch your head and say ‘That is so blatantly obvious, why can’t they just see or understand that, it is so simple?’ Their feeling of knowing cannot be shifted by logic.
A most powerful concept
Incoming information is immediately compared to your ‘story’ (schema), the formed beliefs that are stored in the limbic (feeling) part of the brain. The stronger you believe (feel) something, the harder it is to be convinced of a logical argument or position. This applies to someone else’s logical argument as well as your own internal one. You can try to convince yourself of something because it makes perfect sense yet your feeling part of the brain overrides it because while it is logical it just does not feel right. Why? Here is a most important and powerful statement: the feeling of knowing overrides any evidence to the contrary! Please read this sentence again because it has powerful implications for when you want to change your beliefs. So if you feel something is right, which will be most of your beliefs, regardless of whether they are right or wrong, helpful or hindering logic, then reason will rarely convince you otherwise. Conscious thought is just the tip of the iceberg - the vast majority of 'thought' occurs outside of your conscious awareness. The sensation of what we ‘know’ to be true - such as a belief is through how you feel about it, not through consciously thinking about it.
Cognitive dissonance
In 1957, Stanford professor of social psychology
Leon Festinger introduced the term
cognitive dissonance to describe the distressing mental state that is created when our beliefs, that our feelings have us believe are true, because they
feel right, are challenged. In other words the more ‘committed’ you are to a belief and the more you have invested in proving this belief right (see
'Holding on to negative beliefs; why we defend our delusions' on how you did this), the harder it is to relinquish. Instead of acknowledging an error in judgment and abandoning a belief or opinion, we tend to develop a new attitude that will justify retaining it!
You can clearly see this in people who, despite having clear evidence that something is not going to work, are still convinced that it will because they feel it will, ‘I just ‘know’ it will'.
That is why the definition of ‘insanity’ (doing the same thing the same way you have always done before expecting a different result) is so powerful. No matter how determined and convinced you are because it 'feels' right contrary to what will work, you are not going to achieve what it is you want. You’ve got to do something else, and that something else is changing unhelpful and hindering beliefs.
Tips for changing your hindering beliefs
Now you might say I have tried to do this, I have tried really hard to change some of my hindering beliefs and that may certainly be the case. Based on the information I have shared with you and hopefully the understanding that you have gained through it, you can now successfully change your beliefs and adopt more supportive ones.
- It is only in the space of acknowledgment that transformation can take place. First you need to become aware of your story, (your beliefs) and understand that it is just that ‘a story’ that ‘you’ (unconsciously) have constructed (not your fault). Sadly the vast majority of people will never become aware of their story, let alone consciously reflect and challenge their story. They will instead live their life according to the same old script, getting the same old results. Become aware of the beliefs that stand in the way of what you want.
- Remember, your beliefs are formed mainly in the feeling part of the brain, you know it is true because it feels right (even if it is not). For example ‘I feel I can’t change my beliefs, give up cigarettes, lose weight’ or whatever else it is you believe. Remember that when you want to adopt a new belief, for example ‘I am very capable', that there will be initial discomfort as it does not match the ‘feeling of knowing’, (cognitive dissonance). Just know and accept that this is a normal part of the change process. This discomfort will probably last between 30 and 60 days. I have heard people after that period say 'How could I have ever thought that in the first place?!’ Don’t beat yourself up for recognizing and changing your beliefs, congratulate yourself for doing so.
- Don’t wait until it ‘feels’ right as the new belief will probably feel uncomfortable for a while, which does not mean it is not right! Start acting as if it is right and the feeling will follow.
- As your beliefs mainly reside and are kept alive and strong in the limbic part of the brain, you need to address it there. How do you do this? This part of the brain responds to emotion, visualization, sound and new evidence. Visualize the new behavior and feel excited about the results you will achieve through employing (yes this is literal, making it work for you) a new belief that matches the results you want to obtain.
- Put up pictures that represent what you want to achieve, (vision board) and play your Mi Movies with emotive sound.
- Keep stating the new belief as often as you can just like a mantra. The limbic brain needs repetition to be convinced.
**Important note: Affirmations need to be based on a reality you can accept - in other words, you have to believe it. Don't fall into the trap of 'irrational positive thinking'. Otherwise you will create conflict between your conscious and subconscious mind and this will certainly sabotage your efforts.
- Start looking for evidence. Put your ‘spotlight’ on successes, no matter how small and feel great about that (emotion). Don’t give ‘setbacks’ any power.
Remember, the greatest resistance will often occur just before the moment of break through!
Till next time, stay aware and reflect on what does not work in your life. Check the beliefs that you have employed to support that AND CHANGE THEM.