Making changes when your brain has other ideas…why change is so hard
The latest research in neuroscience tells us that if you want to make changes in your life, your brain will not necessarily be on your side and might actually get in the way of you achieving what you want. Let's explore this further.
Don’t take it personally
Many people resist change. Even when people’s lives are threatened through smoking, overuse of alcohol, poor eating habits etc, changing the habit often seems near impossible.
Have you ever wondered why so few weight loss programs work? Here is the answer. It all has to do with habits and conditioning.
Neuroscience has found that the part of the brain that deals with habits and what is familiar requires little energy. When something is a habit or routine it does not require much attention. Things happen automatically. Because of this no matter how damaging it is to you, your behavior or habit is familiar and therefore feels normal and ‘comfortable”. You don’t have to think about lighting up that cigarette or putting that food in your mouth, it just comes naturally to you.
This automatic response frees up the more conscious or thinking part of the brain to deal with more complex tasks such as processing new information. This part of the brain, the prefrontal cortex or the executive part of the brain, is not as energy efficient and requires more energy.
Think about writing your name. You do not have to consciously think about it, it’s just automatic. What if you were to write your name with your other hand. Would your writing be less automatic? Unless you are ambidextrous, the answer is probably yes. You would have to consciously think about what you were doing. That is until you got use to it. But before this happens it would feel strange, uncomfortable and wrong. It is not what you are use to; it requires more focus, energy and effort.
Most people want to revert back to what is comfortable and familiar. It takes the brain some time to get use to a new situation…but before it does something else happens. It's essential that you know this if you want to make important and lasting changes in your life.
The brain resists change
Your brain actually resists change; not because it is trying to make things hard for you, but it does so for a very good reason. Your brain’s basic function is to keep you safe. It's main interest is your survival. In order to keep you safe your brain is designed to be alert and detect if there is something different in your environment, something unusual or unfamiliar. If there is this could mean there is a threat to you.
The brain has a very effective and efficient reference library that will instantly compare all incoming information to see if it matches. It will determine if what is happening is different from your experience, expectations and assumptions. When it detects a mismatch it will activate an alarm in the brain, just like an error code. Your brain will send a powerful and urgent message that there is something amiss. When the alarm is sounded the fear circuitry, the primitive part of your brain, gets triggered and you become unsettled or worse, you become stressed and anxious. This is what is supposed to happen as without this you would not survive.
When an error message shows up your 'animal' instincts take over and the most primitive and instinctual part of your brain gets activated and you become fully alert and ready to fight or run away. When this part of the brain, the amygdale, gets activated you tend to become more emotional, act impulsively and it's difficult to think logically. Your capacity for higher thought immediately decreases.
Rather than overriding the error message you retreat to what is familiar. Just like any primitive creature you retreat to your familiar habitat, your ‘home’ or default position.
Are you getting the picture? Change leads to an error message; feeling unsafe, wanting to retreat to safety or to what is familiar, which is...you guessed it, whatever you are used to doing; whether it is food, cigarettes, alcohol or any other habit you may have.
So comparing information and alerting us to a mismatch is great for survival but not so good when it comes to making positive changes in our life.
As far as the brain is concerned, change is a pain in the …..brain!
Focus on the gain and not the loss
Another reason that change is so difficult is because of the way we drive our brain. There is a technique that racing car drivers use; don’t look were you don’t want to go. In other words look where you do want to go. Most people fail to make changes in their life because they focus on what they are giving up rather than on what they are gaining.
For example, people who are giving up smoking may look longingly at that cigarette. When the brain perceives a loss it interprets it as giving up part of its security. 'You want to give up something that is familiar? Not if I have my way! I am here to protect you. You want to give up the familiar neuropath way and create a different one? No thanks, I'd rather we stick to well trodden and familiar ones' says the brain.
When you focus on the loss rather than the gain it is hard for the brain to get excited and support you. Giving up something trusted and familiar is not the way to do it. Your brain needs a better reason to start making changes.
What you need to do to make positive and lasting changes in your life?
Get your brain on board and get it to support you. And here is how you can do it:
- Align what you are moving towards (what you want) as much as possible to that which you value (what is important to you). This is a very important motivator.
- Remember that if the brain’s error code and therefore its alarm system get activated by making a change, this does to mean that the change is wrong and you are in danger.
- Recognize that the brain’s protective mechanism is reactive, impulse based and prone to overreaction. Override the rather primitive alarm system with reasoning and logic and understand that it is mostly a false alarm.
- Understand that the data processing system, the limbic part of the brain, is very fast, automatic and very fuel efficient and the logical and reasoning part of the brain, the prefrontal cortex is much slower and very fuel consuming. This part of the brain rather than being automatic needs to be activated deliberately and consciously.
- Accept that it takes the brain time to get use to a new situation.
- Be aware the error code will keep popping up for a while until a new neuropath way is established and the new behavior becomes a habit.
- Realize that it takes about 30-60 days for a new behavior to become engrained and automatic.
- Remember that if you regress during that time you often have to start from the beginning. That is where discipline and determination come in.
- Understand that when under stress you need to be extra vigilant not to regress to old ineffective behavior or habits. For example people will often revert back to smoking, drinking or over eating during times of stress, hence the saying; during stress we often regress.
- Focus on the gain, the goal, the end result and the solution rather than the loss of what you are giving up. For example, replace 'I am giving up cigarettes' with 'I am healthy and I look after my health. Everyday my health is improving'.
- Visualize what you want to change or achieve and imagine that you have already achieved your goal. See the end in mind and get excited about how it feels to have already achieved your goal. Studies have found that your brain will already start to create new neuropath ways just by visualizing and feeling excited about what you want.
- Be aware that the unconscious part of the brain does not know the difference between what is real and what is imagined.
- Understand that you are in charge of your brain and therefore your thinking. Let it serve you not the other way around.
- Mind your mind. In other words be aware of what you think about. Don't pollute your brain with rubbish and junk thoughts or thoughts that don't serve you.
- Understand the power of language. You command your brain by the words you use. Your brain will believe what you tell it. So be careful what you say to yourself. ‘You are a lazy so and so’ instructs your brain to become more of a lazy so and so.
- Tell your brain what you want rather than what you don’t want and use positive language in the present tense. I am successful, rather than I am not going to fail or I am going to be successful. I am wealthy, rather than I am going to be wealthy or I am no longer in debt. I am a non smoker rather than I am giving up smoking. Know that your brain can’t reverse. Try not to think of a pink elephant. See!
- Be specific in what you would like to change and develop an action plan.
- Remember that solutions are uplifting and problems weigh you down. Learn to become more resilient, your own ally and supporter. Accept your humanness and don’t beat yourself up, it is bad for your brain!
- Remain focused and committed. It is easy to give up and most people do. Create a vision board or movie (a collage of pictures, images and affirmations that represent what you want).
- Know that the brain takes itself very seriously. Make sure you lighten it up by having lots of laughs.